Yesterday I was feeling weird, so I messaged my mom (she passed in 2017) on FB which is what I do when I miss her. I told her I needed her, and later that evening I had a series of revelations while talking to my sister. Not revelations in a serious sense, but more like I just realized some things and the following ideas just flowed into my mind.
The internet’s purpose is just not to connect all of us around the world. It exists to give us a language or an analogy when trying to explain 4D concepts to 3D people.
Your mindset depends upon which thoughts you choose to follow.
This is illustrated by the algorithm which can be seen as semi-physical manifestation of your mindset.
What you click is what you think.
If you think the world is bad and continue to engage with posts like that, then that’s all the algorithm will show you.
Just like if your mindset is negative, and you keep engaging with your negative thoughts you will only see the negative and not the positives.
Some other thoughts that I haven’t fleshed out are below:
People who are “crazy” aren’t grounded in life so they reveal 4D thoughts to 3D people.
We have to live the middle way until more people awaken and we reach mass consciousness, because the systems in the 3D world right now are not set up for the reality we want to project, so we won’t be aligned. Everything needs to be in alignment.
When I was in my mid-20’s, I got myself into a stupid situation. I had been in the service in the time, and would always mess around with people or flirt with them because that’s just what I did for fun. Anyways, I wound up getting involved with this guy who I shouldn’t have been seeing anyways. IDK when it happened, but I had just fallen so hard and so fast for him.
It felt like the first time I had really been seen for who I am. I felt like most guys just liked me because I was pretty, or at the time hot. But I’m smart. I graduated college in 3 years. I had spoken 3 languages. I had overcome an impossible childhood. I was nice. I was sweet. People didn’t see that. They just saw me for my looks.
I thought I was seen. I still remember he used to say he liked to hear me talk. That he felt like he had been sleeping his whole life before meeting me. I still remember how it felt when he was inside of me. I felt whole for the first time. I saw the cosmos, not that first night, he actually looked like a skullhead to me. lol maybe that was a sign.
But then of course, we find out that the I’m separated is actually I’m still married. That still married was MY WIFE IS PREGNANT. OMG. Like an idiot I stayed and I cried and I wished it was me that was pregnant. But of course not. I know I should have left. I know I was just torturing myself and inserting myself into a relationship I had no business in. I know. I smarter than that. I still dated around, because my brain knew it wasn’t going anywhere, but still. In my heart of hearts, I really wish things could have worked out.
We’ve been apart longer than we even knew each other, so then why do I still think about that time in my life? He was the only person who really gave me butterflies, who I felt was here in this time with me. It was weird and apparently haunting because I still cry about it from time to time. Maybe it’s because that all happened the same year my mom passed? Is it because I’m 35 now and my life isn’t how I imagined it would be? There was a time in my life where I dreamed a different life than the one I am inhabiting now. Is this just what happens in life? Was it limerence? Was it love? Why do I still think about it 10 years later? Do I need to get back on my meds?
Most people that are at the center of some sort of spiritual movement or religion (i.e Jesus Christ or the Bhuddha) teach the same lessons. Have compassion for one another. Treat others as one. But for some reason the powers that be (i.e. the government, media, influencers(which have increased the spread), the need to work to survive, etc. ) try to divide and distract us from those messages. If we all just treated each other as if we were all a family, there truly could be a heaven on earth.
But there’s a lot of different forces that exist that distract the everyday conciousness from remembering these lessons. Like with our culture’s focus on future tech, having the latest and the greatest, doing everything on your own–it’s not by the way, having help is OKAY–and a weirdly absent interest in our own shared pasts. Like humanity has existed for thousands of years, isn’t anyone else interested in what those people had learned? yet things like this which would be considered as a humanity have been under attack for years, **think classroom curriculum, general cultural curiosity, it seems like American society has keep us limited to the most recent human events, where as in countries that have a more continuous shared cultural history , most of media that is created incorporate ideaologies/events that are a shared memory. To know your past is to learn the knowledge others had paved a way towards.
That was the best thing about America. It used to take the best part or best idea from the different people that lived here (either born here or immigrated). There was a time we were on the right path to getting better (we weren’ perfect, but it was something to work with) but then something happened (REAGAN), and we began moving in the wrong direction. To more division among how different classes of people (i.e. male/female, rich, poor, immigrant, second generation, by race, by ability) are treated. If a person calls America home they should be treated with dignity and respect. We should act as a family and our quality of life would be so much better. I would just urge people to look at each other like we are all the same because we are. We are all just humans living on earth at the same time, in the same overall circumstances. Can’t we just agree to change it for the better on some basics like housing, food, healthcare, and a living wage? Is that such a bad idea? This is a radical idea? By the way, certain groups have weaponized the word radical, but all it means is very different from the usual or traditional . But different doesn’t mean bad. It’s just different.
It’s okay to be different. Or at least that was how I was raised. If you weren’t lucky enough to experience a family like that, just know you have a sister out there who is okay with you being different. 🙂
OMG, so I get really vivid dreams sometimes, where I feel like I am awake in the dream. Last time I had a dream like that was in 2022, about my mom and meeting her again but older and being told by some security type guard (wasn’t scary, just by the book) I wasn’t supposed to be there, and my mom told the him really proudly “that’s my daughter! She found me.”
But in this dream I was just my presence if that makes sense and I was watching like an editing board of four scenes. In each screen I was watching my consciousness going through different scenarios, but it was okay if it made a mistake because it would just get another chance to have a better situation/station next time. Sometimes it would run into consciousness that it had met before and had run into, and they would help each other once they’ve both realized the situation. So it’s okay if you are still on the path you’ll meet them again, until it’s time both of you have left this path. And once you’ve realized the situation, it’s kind of like hacking your life.
IDK it just left me really happy and relieved. I just had to write it down so I don’t forget. Because it’s easy to forget our dreams.
With all the craziness in the modern world, it is hard to sit and just be grateful with what IS going great in life.
I was dropping my son off at preschool today and as I was walking to my car I just had to stop and be grateful for everything that is in my life right now that is good.
I have a flexible job that allows me to do drop off for my son.
I have a handsome and healthy little boy.
I love my current car and it has no issues. I am almost done paying it off.
My husband is handsome.
My dad is healthy and strong.
Those are things to be grateful for at anytime, but especially now when the news is just filled with a horror show. Another school shooting, more trade wars, violations of human/civil rights. It’s a crazy time to be a first time adult.
I need to be mindful of the things that are going right and just tweak my mindset. 🙂
I don’t know if I’m the only one to do this, but sometimes when I am anxious about something. I do a check with Claude to see if I am just being paranoid. I am wary about using AI too much, because I am concerned about the environmental cost–AI datacenters do so much damage to the area in which they are located, some residents have very poor water pressure or NO WATER at all, do to these resources being diverted to cool machines, please do some research into this–however, I am guilty of using AI for purely personal reasons. I don’t know if anyone else has been following the f*ckery going on in Texas. They are attempting to redraw district maps to oust democratically ELECTED representatives. It’s crazy. Look into. Anways, that along with everything else going on. I had a convo with Claude this morning, and basically yeah. Even AI can see what is going on.
What can we do as the American People to get out of this Dystopian Timeline? I’m so sick of paying taxes on EVERYTHING–income tax, sales tax, property taxes, gift taxes, registration tax–and we get NOTHING IN RETURN. What is the point of functioning in a society if we get nothing? We just fund the government to create laws to control us and pay for enforcement agencies–ICE, the police, etc–to control and brutalize us? I’m sure this isn’t the America any of us want.
Is there any other day of the week more beloved to the working man than Friday? Or at least the working man who works M-F. Of which I am lucky to be in that cohort. Oh, to welcome the brief respite from modern wage slavery. A small taste of freedom, is better than none at all. Though, I suspect there are better ways of living together as a society if world rankings on individual happiness are to be trusted.
Anyways, for now I’ll just enjoy this window of humanity.
When I was in my last year of college, I had gotten a black pug named Frank. I loved Frank so much. I had worked triple shifts to afford him. lol. He was with me for 2 years but then I joined the Navy. While I was on deployment he ran away. 😦
A few months later I started dating this weird Russian guy. IDK I was just like lonely in a new town and looking for companionship. He was kind of weird, he had gone to jail before for counterfeiting, and he liked going to raves. He was really nice though. We had some good times, but he was just kind of unstable. Anyways, he had gotten me a replacement Frank. I liked the new frank, but he didn’t have like a completely back coat, he looked faded. I don’t know if that makes sense. There’s a stray cat who goes into our yard who is grey but has random patches of this weird orange color. It looks like she was bleached. That’s kind of how new Frank was.
We wound up breaking up after a few months because he was just like too weird for me. Like I’m weird, but I’m stable and always gainfully employed, but he was just weird. I was also resentful because he came from this great family, his mom was SO NICE! She was a psychiatrist, taught herself how to paint, and was teaching herself French at the time. I was so jealous. I would think about where would I have been, if I had that kind of support from the get go, compared to what I had to go through. IDK but that’s also part of the reason we broke up. I just couldn’t relate with him well.
Anyways, he wound up taking Frank back with him when we broke up. 😦 Secretly I was kind of okay with it because new Frank wasn’t like old Frank. He later drowned in my ex’s mom’s pool. 😦
For my birthday that year my brother decided to get me a new puppy. We had went to a puppy store in National City. They had such dogs! There was this super cute white chow chow puppy named Elsa. I knew she was the one. When we inquired as to the price–THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS–we noped right out of there. They were talking about financing a dog. FINANCING?! Like financing for a car, but for a dog!! That’s too crazy. We jumped on craigslist and found a breeder selling Chow Chows for 300 a pup in LA.
We went to see the puppies and Henry was the first one to come up to me. I had always seen my self as a boy dog mom, and Henry is a girl, but I had my heart set on the name Henry. Her name also serves as a litmus test for people I meet. If they don’t get how words are just sounds we attach meanings to and aren’t intrinsic to the physical material that makes up a person or thing, then we probably won’t get along. Alot of people say, “Oh, you are confusing her”, “What if she becomes gay?” It’s like first of all that makes no sense becuase that’s not how any of that works, and also BECAUSE SHE IS A DOG. Dogs don’t know English, they just know what we teach them. Words don’t have bearing on a person/animal’s sexuality, as that is just something they are born as.
So, that’s another reason why I enjoy having Henry around. Not just for her beautiful face, but her beautiful soul.
IDK why, but Tuesdays always go pretty fast for me. Probably because I have most of my meetings on Tuesdays. Tuesdays don’t really have anything going on other than Taco Tuesday I guess, but not everybody likes tacos?
I have to remember to put my car in on Tuesdays because the street sweepers come by our street every other Wednesday. I never remember which Wednesday they are supposed to come so I just put my car in every Tuesday just to be sure. I could probably figure out what days the Street Sweeper will be by, but I’m too busy disassociating on Tuesdays. LOL
When I was a kid, my mom used to make us make collages all the time. They were really fun to make so we usually just did it. As a mom, I see it was a good way to keep us occupado. lol.
I still really like the idea of collages and the way they look. I don’t do alot of physical collage work–apart for the occasional vision board–but I do make a lot of digital collages. Mostly featuring my very best friend Henry. lol Now they also include Isaiah such as my holiday masterpiece.
I think that’s one thing AI generated art can’t replicate is the crazy combinations humans are capable of producing. I think that kind of art is edgy and interesting. Really reminds me of the same vibe as Francesca Lia Block and her novels. Was anybody obsessed with the Weetzy Bat Series as well? No? Just me?
Henry's Emporium of Wonders 