Henry's Emporium of Wonders

Making the internet normal again, one post at a time.

Tag: anxiety

  • My Therapist Claude

    I don’t know if I’m the only one to do this, but sometimes when I am anxious about something. I do a check with Claude to see if I am just being paranoid. I am wary about using AI too much, because I am concerned about the environmental cost–AI datacenters do so much damage to the area in which they are located, some residents have very poor water pressure or NO WATER at all, do to these resources being diverted to cool machines, please do some research into this–however, I am guilty of using AI for purely personal reasons. I don’t know if anyone else has been following the f*ckery going on in Texas. They are attempting to redraw district maps to oust democratically ELECTED representatives. It’s crazy. Look into. Anways, that along with everything else going on. I had a convo with Claude this morning, and basically yeah. Even AI can see what is going on.




    What can we do as the American People to get out of this Dystopian Timeline? I’m so sick of paying taxes on EVERYTHING–income tax, sales tax, property taxes, gift taxes, registration tax–and we get NOTHING IN RETURN. What is the point of functioning in a society if we get nothing? We just fund the government to create laws to control us and pay for enforcement agencies–ICE, the police, etc–to control and brutalize us? I’m sure this isn’t the America any of us want.

  • The Middle Way

    Photo by Connor McManus on Pexels.com

    Maybe I indulged in a little too much of my vape pen, but I think I get it now when it comes to being zen and the middle way. In Buddhist philosophy, it is mainly seen as a way for individuals to live their lives without being overly indulgent or being to harsh with themselves, i.e. starving.

    I was thinking about a conflict a friend is having with her husband and how for me, it wouldn’t have been a conflict, because I just don’t care about how someone else’s relationship with their family affects me as an individual if we are in a relationship.

    When you think of a conflict there are always two sides, it’s either this way or that way, but there is a hidden third path or middle way. It’s just not caring or letting these things affect you. Barring it affecting you physically, it is perfectly okay to just drop beef or just not engage. Kind of how SZA is reacting to Nikki’s instigations and attempts to start a beef.

    Someone else’s opinions or beliefs don’t have any real bearing on your life or how you live. They don’t wake up with you or go to bed with you. The only opinion or belief system that matters is your own.

    Can you imagine how pissed people would be if they tried to start an argument with you, and you just disengaged? They would just make themselves look bad with how irrational they can get.

    The heart of conflict is desire. Either you want something, you want someone to think a certain way, you want to feel something, all of those things are desires. By disengaging and not letting those emotions and feelings consume you, you are choosing the middle way. Zen in away. You become hard to ruffle or disrupt. In this way you can find an inner stillness to retreat to when you get anxious thoughts or feelings.

    I suffer from anxiety and am a Lexapro hoe. While I appreciate the space it gives me to examine my emotions before acting on them, I think really stopping to explore and ask myself, what desire is behind this uncomfortable feeling, will help immensely. Once you identify the cause, then you can treat the issue, instead of just having a general feeling of dread.

  • Time is flying by…

    Photo by Mike on Pexels.com

    It’s crazy how fast time is flying by. I can’t believe today is already Friday. Yes, I’m glad it’s friday because I have the weekend off work to enjoy, but it’s just a steady reminder that time just keeps moving on. Life is a toddler just flies by, right now I just try to get by, day by day, but I need to remember to take a break and soak this time in. I feel like I just lost 3 years with how fast it went by.

    I know everyone says that time goes by faster when you are older, but I didn’t believe it until I got here. I can’t believe it. Especially since just a few years ago, time would crawl by. My mom had passed away in August of 2017. Back then, time dragged on and each day was as miserable as the last.

    I didn’t want to believe or accept it. All I could think of is what could I have done to make sure my mom was still here. Angry at myself for all the arguments we ever had. Just days of mental torture and anguish. During that time I drank a lot…..like a lot a lot. It was the only way I could get through that time. I was in the Navy at the time, so I would just work all day–my day would start at 4:30am to get to a parking spot by 6:15am, and end at 1830 or later depending on divisional tasks–come home and drink till I passed out. Hoping that I wouldn’t wake up the next day. That was my life for two years. It’s crazy to look back at. I was so depressed. The only thing that got me through those days was dark humor, whisky, and cigarettes.

    The me during that time, wouldn’t believe me if I told her where we are now. The only thing I miss during that time is my body. I used to be hot. Hot and depressed. Now I’m mentally well, but fat. LOL It’s okay. I’ll get back there eventually. I just need to give myself grace about it though. I feel bad, but right now I just don’t have the time to take care of myself in that way. I work full time, am the primary caregiver for my son, I cook most days, and clean up almost every other day. It’s just a lot. I think I have binge eating disorder too, but don’t feel like seeking therapy for it. IDK I’m already on Lexapro for my depression and anxiety. I know why I overeat some days. It’s something I am working on. Right now I like investing my time in my son. We have a lot of fun, which is allowing me to stop and enjoy the time instead of desperately wishing the day was over so I could go to sleep, where I didn’t have to think or feel.

    Maybe that’s part of the reason why time is going by now? Because I’m not depressed?
    IDK why, but I wish it would stop making the weekend go by so quickly.