Henry's Emporium of Wonders

Making the internet normal again, one post at a time.

Tag: writing

  • Finding out I was pregnant…

    I had never really thought about kids when I was younger. I was too busy just trying to survive my childhood. LOL. But I really didn’t care one way or the other. I never gave it too much thought or made it a priority. It was just a if it happens it happens. Obviously if it did happen I was planning on it being after I was financially stable and in a stable relationship.

    All that to say when I saw that positive dollar tree pregnancy test–after a weeklong bought with what I had thought was food poisoning–I was more in shock than anything else. I really shouldn’t have been that shocked. We were using pulling out as a contraceptive. STUPID! IDK why I didn’t think it was more stupid back then, but like we had been doing that for two years before and hadn’t gotten pregnant? Anyways at this point I’m like 31, pretty good financially, in a semi-healthy relationship–it’s more healthy now :)–so it’s not the worst thing in the world. I had already been thinking about marrying my husband anyways (more on that another day); so I told him and we made the decision together. We obvs decided to keep it, and now I have a tiny dictator in my home.

    It was just funny though because leading up to that, we had gone to this Pho restaurant with my husband’s family at a place our BiL and SiL were raving about. They had been going there for years and had a relationship with the owners. It was weird, they would go behind the counter for stuff?! Anyways, the food was good, but the next day I was throwing up. I asked my then BF at the time if he felt weird, and of course when I feel ill he feels deathly ill. LOL But the next day I was still throwing up and couldn’t keep anything down. This was serious enough for my now Husband to notice. I told him I was okay it was probably just that damn restaurant. So we were making fun of the restaurant the rest of the week. However, when I didn’t get my period that weekend, I was like OH NO.

    I used to keep a stack of pregnancy tests from the dollar tree at home just in case. I think everyone who is at risk of pregnancy should have a stash. The dollar tree ones are just as accurate as the more high end brands. IDK why they are allowed to do stuff like that. Make us pay more for things that do the same thing. Anyways, I digress, I took it and low and behold two lines appeared. I told Napoli (hubby), and he thought I was playing at first. But no, there it was. Clear as day. We had a choice to make. We discussed our current financial path, and what would change, were we ready? We made the decision that we were. So here we are now 3 years later, and I’m picking sh*t off the floor every other day because we are potty training. LOL I think we made a good choice. I’m just glad we had a chance to choose what was best for us in that moment. One of the perks of living in California.

  • Procrastination

    I’ve always been a procrastinator. I don’t know why I’m like this, but wish I wasn’t. It would have made life so much more easy, if I could just focus and concentrate on items. Alas, that was not to be my fate.

    I used to procrastinate in school, but find myself doing it at work now too. I actually talked to Claude (AI) about this and apparently it is normal. I procrastinate because I feel anxious about something, then to self soothe I start doing or looking at something that makes me feel better. Then I start feeling ashamed about not starting and the cycle just keeps going.

    I feel like I needed that break I took last week. Now I feel more like myself and am slowly chipping away at old sore spots. I’m going to do it. I’m going to finish the year strong. I’m getting back on track. Things are going to be fine.

    I didn’t think I would get to this point again, because the first part of this year has been so tough. It’s hard to concentrate when there are literal concentration camps being built and used across America. There’s a large federal enforcement force (ICE) racially profiling individuals–to include both CITIZENS and immigrants–and carting them off to detention centers. Often catching charges for resisting arrest. But should it be illegal to resist an unlawful arrest?

    Millions are getting kicked off Medicaid, the department of education is being dismantled, media corporations are bowing to the desires of a sitting president. It’s crazy how many people are just okay with the state of the world. Not even just okay, but actively cheering it on. It’s absolute madness.

    Not to mention all the atrocities getting covered up with the nonrelease of the Epstein files. I guess the only good thing this administration has done has been expose how corrupt the government and corporations can be. It’s just out there in the open now. We are in the age of Aquarius now.

    So I guess, I should cut myself some slack if I am a bit overwhelmed at work.

  • I’m baaaaaaaaaaack

    Apologize for the long absence. My family and I just took a long overdue trip to San Diego to see family and friends. We currently reside in the Central Valley where I grew up, but when I was in the Navy I lived in San Diego for a few years. I actually wound up staying there for 10 years.

    It’s weird because when we went back I thought I would feel something, but I didn’t. I lived there for 10 years. It’s where I lost my mom, discovered myself, met my partner, and had my son, but I didn’t feel anything. I think it’s because I had gone through so much there including a DUI. While San Diego is unbelievably gorgeous and has so much to do, it just wasn’t the place for me. I didn’t feel grounded there. Everything was just so stressful all the time, all the traffic, fighting to find parking, fighting to find housing, fighting to survive really.

    My favorite thing to do back when I was single and young was to just hangout and get tipsy at the Nude Beach at Black’s Beach. It was so nice and freeing to just be in the water and lay on the beach and get an all over tan. Usually people would leave you alone, but every now and then you had to deal with some creeps, but usually faking a phone call would get them to leave.

    I used to love going to the beach and being in the cleansing waters of the ocean, just aware of being in a body of water that spreads over so much of this earth and touches so many things. I was in the same waters as whales, sharks, fishes, corpses, poop, you name it, it’s probably in the ocean and we are all touching it at the same time.

    Since going back for a visit, the water just isn’t the same. It’s not refreshing anymore. It feels gross on your skin and makes you itch, it’s not as clear. We really need to do something about it. I can’t believe people are just okay with how much pollution goes into our water systems, and earth in general. It’s crazy. I think we can still make change, but it’s hard to have hope now when every time you open the news–at least in America–there is some new travesty or conspiracy being peddled. I’m so over it. I miss when we used to come together as human beings to improve things together, not just to kill each other. There has to be more to life than just a mass of humans fighting over resources on a floating rock hurtling through the galaxy and universe. Maybe this is why no extraterrestrial entity wants to deal with us. We just act ghetto as a species. LOL

  • Time is flying by…

    Photo by Mike on Pexels.com

    It’s crazy how fast time is flying by. I can’t believe today is already Friday. Yes, I’m glad it’s friday because I have the weekend off work to enjoy, but it’s just a steady reminder that time just keeps moving on. Life is a toddler just flies by, right now I just try to get by, day by day, but I need to remember to take a break and soak this time in. I feel like I just lost 3 years with how fast it went by.

    I know everyone says that time goes by faster when you are older, but I didn’t believe it until I got here. I can’t believe it. Especially since just a few years ago, time would crawl by. My mom had passed away in August of 2017. Back then, time dragged on and each day was as miserable as the last.

    I didn’t want to believe or accept it. All I could think of is what could I have done to make sure my mom was still here. Angry at myself for all the arguments we ever had. Just days of mental torture and anguish. During that time I drank a lot…..like a lot a lot. It was the only way I could get through that time. I was in the Navy at the time, so I would just work all day–my day would start at 4:30am to get to a parking spot by 6:15am, and end at 1830 or later depending on divisional tasks–come home and drink till I passed out. Hoping that I wouldn’t wake up the next day. That was my life for two years. It’s crazy to look back at. I was so depressed. The only thing that got me through those days was dark humor, whisky, and cigarettes.

    The me during that time, wouldn’t believe me if I told her where we are now. The only thing I miss during that time is my body. I used to be hot. Hot and depressed. Now I’m mentally well, but fat. LOL It’s okay. I’ll get back there eventually. I just need to give myself grace about it though. I feel bad, but right now I just don’t have the time to take care of myself in that way. I work full time, am the primary caregiver for my son, I cook most days, and clean up almost every other day. It’s just a lot. I think I have binge eating disorder too, but don’t feel like seeking therapy for it. IDK I’m already on Lexapro for my depression and anxiety. I know why I overeat some days. It’s something I am working on. Right now I like investing my time in my son. We have a lot of fun, which is allowing me to stop and enjoy the time instead of desperately wishing the day was over so I could go to sleep, where I didn’t have to think or feel.

    Maybe that’s part of the reason why time is going by now? Because I’m not depressed?
    IDK why, but I wish it would stop making the weekend go by so quickly.

  • Gaming as a Parent

    My husband and I used to game a lot before we came parents. Our favorite game to play together was Conan Exiles. It was just a lot of grinding, but we had fun. After we first had our son, that gaming time was practically nonexistent. Well, apart from when I got hooked on Stardew Valley, I would play it while my son napped.

    Recently I started playing Genshin Impact. It’s a really fun game, I still can’t believe it’s free. There are gacha elements for you to spend money on it, but I’m cheap and am just free to play. I feel guilty about playing. I maybe spend like an hour to game, but during that time my son is always pestering me. I set up activities for him to do, but he would rather bother me. I spend quality time with him earlier in the day. After work I typically take him outside or to the pool to play where we have quality one on one time. I guess it just makes me feel guilty. Like I should be spending more time with him, but I literally spend all day with him (I work remotely), and spend 2-3 hours of quality time with him everyday. Is it that bad that I want to game for 1 hour? I only get like one hour to myself everyday. 1/24 what is that? Like 4% of my day spent on something I enjoy. I know logically it is okay to take some time for myself, but I feel so guilty about it.

    My husband on the other hand….he’s something else. He can play for hours a day and not feel bad about it. I am the main care taker for our son, I want to be an involved parent, he doesn’t care about that until our son gets older. It’s kind of annoying, but kids can pick up on who is invested and who isn’t. If that’s the kind of relationship he wants with our son then I guess that’s what he wants. I on the other hand will continue to mentally torture myself into thinking I don’t do enough. I will however will save at least 30 min of my day to play Genshin Impact…maybe more on the weekend.

  • Why start a site?

    Hello fellow Netizens, like many of you I am also an enjoyer of the interwebs, and like many Millennials I too had a Myspace once. That was my first experience with blogging. I made silly little blogs about my thoughts on random subjects, but didn’t do it consistently because I’m not a consistent person. Also, who cared about what I thought about things? Matter of fact even I don’t care about my opinions on things. I just have them. lol

    I like journaling and being creative, but when you grow up poverty those aren’t hobbies that can be fully explored. I’m in a relatively stable point of my life now, so I figured what the heck, why not just create a little outlet for some of my creative urges. Even if no one looks at it who the hell cares. The internet isn’t how it used to be when I was a teen. Back then we were just all on the internet having fun together, but now every time you jump on someone is trying to either sell you something or tell you how to think. Don’t even get me started on all of the AI generated junk. Sure some of it is cool, but like there’s a real environmental cost and the art that is generated just doesn’t have any emotion or feeling to it, unlike art that comes straight from the dome.

    Anyways, if you read this far I hope you enjoy the site. I’ll post little memes I make or marketing material I’ll make for my portfolio. I would like to explore graphic design as a hobby/additional income, but if that doesn’t happen it’s okay. I’ll just use my skills to make some memes that I find funny.

    P.S. Henry is my dog. She is a soon to be 10-year old Chow Chow, her birthday is Nov 4th, which makes her Scorpio. When I still had a mini google speaker I would ask it for the horoscope for Scorpio for the day so she could be prepared for any trials or tribulations coming her way. I used to have 2 of them but they like don’t last long, IDK if I just wasn’t taking care of them, or what. They are in a box somewhere now. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I ramble like this all the time.